Having lied in a middle class community among relatives and friends  for thirty-five years, my psyche must have been shocked with conditions in a homey gated row of apartments in a crowded street parallel to Taft Avenue. However I must have gotten used to the culture eventually.

After more than a year living in a comfortable condo I had a mild stroke. I am now able to connect my mild stroke to my self-critical pains.

My years in my middle class environment before I got married suffused me with values from home school, church and society reeking wit a worldview that bordered on martyrdom.
“Sacrifice.”  “Try and try harder”. “Your body must be tamed”.

I failed to realize what Dr Page wrote: “Rules and laws are not necessarily laid down to make life difficult; they are facts.
“The first rules laid down are those provided by parents guardians, and teachers who essentially wish to offer protective guidance within the earthly environment.”
“Unfortunately, in many cases the rules flavored with the biases, the emotions and the experiences of the adviser…and therefore the rule does not follow a logical pattern.”

Living in our condo has given me a lot of liberation from my early limiting beliefs. I have enjoyed life. But deep down I must have been still the good, compliant girl of my past. I need to review what Dr Page wrote about being disloyal to the tribe in “Frontiers of Health”.

Walsch wrote that God has no plan for me nor for anybody. After reviewing the Buddhist teaching as written about by Sylvia Boorstein I have an insight. Boorstein wrote: “… the Buddhist teachings about the importance of the personal, direct discovery of truth. He did teach that taking other people’s word for how things are should not take the place of individual practice and personal confirmation but he did not say faith didn’t count.”

Because  of the above Buddhist reminder i have a new interpretation of Walsch’s statement of God not having a plan for me nor for anybody else.

I think God allows my free will to create my own reality. But when things go amiss God creates good out of the mess.

A painful family experience in July turned out to be a saving grace- saving our daughter from experiencing the chaos in our international airport.

I was not happy with my husband going to Indonesia to lecture, this time without a colleague from the academe. Eventually my cousin, a medical doctor was also invited. My cousin will perform a cultural dance number on the last night of the conference. My husband, contrary to my wish, excitedly volunteered to provide the background. This is expansion as descried by both  Esther Hicks and Walsch.

The whole arrangement turns out to be a blessing  in disguise. Again as a deterrent to my fears over the victimization scheme at our airports.

The above instances console me because like Boorstein my mind has the capacity and the tendency to take essentially neutral data and spin [them] into worry.

According to George Sison:”…the Biblical quote says, ‘and be not conformed to this world’. In metaphysics the word ‘world’ means the mass-mind thinking.”

My interpretation is that we are called to rise above the common crowd, to claim our divinity.

George Sison speaks of sickness/disasters: “that kind of reality was not given to you by life nor by God.”

Neale Walsch wrote: “We are, each of us, a manifestation of God’s energy, and how we use the energy that we are determines how we experience the life that we live.”

The above bolsters my theory that there is no One-Size-Fits -All formula for spirituality.

Two Sundays ago because of strong winds I stayed home in prayer. Reviewing a   book of Sylvia Boorstein, a practising psychotherapist, a Buddhist teacher and a practising Jew  gave me  a bit of clarity. I finally got some answers to burning questions  my Church told me not to entertain but simply to accept in Faith. But my mind has not been accepting. I read that George Sison who used to be a daily mass goer and communicant for many years also could not accept certain things in Faith.

I realized that I have been highly critical of my Church because I have been seeing her as a club. A club to me is an organization requiring dues in exchange of services. amenities etc. Obviously my Church has not met many of my expectations.

Of course I remember how in London last May I was reminded by two friends of our daughter that “I am the Church”.

I realized with the help of Neale Walsch that my Church preaches:”…Judgment, condemnation, and punishment in the after life and that frightening prospect is the chief tool of member recruitment and retention for most religions.”

A wonderful offshoot of my day in prayer , thanks to Sylvia Boorstein was:”The 2nd of the Noble truths differentiates between inevitable pains of life and the extra pain created in the mind that struggles rather than accommodates.”

“The words attachment and clinging are used to describe the tension that arises in the mind when it is unable to accept what is true.”

Even better than the above: “The natural mind… is free of tension and doesn’t allow attachments to become entrenched.”

“Preferences arise, but they dissipate without causing problems when the mind is relaxed. Annoyances also arise , but they don’t take up residence. Fears and hurt feelings , doubts and desires all come up in response to challenges and disappointments, but they don’t linger. They don’t upset basic clarity. The elegant expression for this… is all defilements are self-liberating in the great space of awareness.