On secondment in Sydney back in 2004 I had a game-changing conversation with my female manger, “Where are you going for your holiday, L?” “Canada!” “How exciting, who are you going with?” “Just me.” I must have looked shocked because she followed up with, “Don’t be afraid to travel by yourself. You’re good company.”
That six month work assignment was my first experience of living abroad, and I’d never been on holiday alone before. A few weeks later, on holiday in Cairns with friends I met in Sydney, I had a chance to do a micro-mini solo adventure when no one else was free to sail to Green Island with me. I had a lovely day out and was blown away by the possibilities.
I leveled-up a bit too quickly with a solo multi day trip to Delhi and Agra months later, post a work trip to Mumbai. I loved the Taj Mahal and the exotic food (no Delhi belly, iron tummy from growing up in Manila maybe?) and my confidence grew, despite a scary taxi ride one evening (driver picks up another man en route to my hotel, then drives past it, letting me out eventually when I start yelling to pedestrians at a red light).
A decade later my favorite solo adventures include Moscow, New York, Amsterdam, Rome, Florence, Venice, Prague, Paris (yes, even in the world’s most romantic cities you can be alone but not lonely). Some of the things I’ve learnt along the way are applicable not just to travel but life in general.
1. Pattern recognition – In Moscow I was determined to use the subway to see as much of the gorgeous art and architecture in that subterranean wonderland as I could. But I don’t know how to read Cyrillic, and there were no English signs (maybe there are now, this was years ago). I memorized how written station names looked, seeing letters as shapes and patterns, I also counted out X number of stops. At crossroads in my life I’ve done the same, looking back on the past and reflecting on patterns of behavior to decode a repeatable model for success and to break unhealthy cycles, to move from unconscious to conscious incompetence.
2. We can.. if… – In my company we talk about courageous creativity and one of my favorite principles is this. Thinking laterally about what would make the impossible possible made some of my early trips financially viable. The first time I went to NYC I couldn’t afford to stay in Manhattan or even Brooklyn, so I stayed in Queens and took the train in and out daily for adventures. The hotel was clean and safe though not Instagram-worthy, I spent what I saved on the experiences I really wanted to have.
3. Say yes, have a go – This catchphrase is from my current manager, and it led me to go camping at festivals in the UK for the first time last summer, after living in the UK for 6 years. The crazy locals who hijacked my holiday in Rome and Cince Terre taught me about enjoying not just hidden wine bars and osterias, but also life. I keep safe (including buying my own drinks and not accepting offers to be walked home at night by too-friendly men) but within reason try out new things, even if unplanned (hello, last minute day trip to the Danube from Vienna).
4. Alone but not lonely – Venice is gorgeous in the shimmering sunshine and also on a still, moon-lit night. It was probably the worst place to go by myself with a bruised heart, but focusing on art, photography and food absolutely lifted my spirits. I remember walking to the residential area beyond crowded Piazza San Marco, sitting on a bench by an empty local park and feeling peace. When the chips are down, amplifying things that bring me joy gets me through. Mom says, “An empty mind is the devil’s workshop.” Other friends have gotten into running, cooking, kitesurfing, tennis during tough periods in their lives.
I have amazing memories of adventures shared with friends and family, but going solo is a fantastic way to build life skills. I hope to see you out there on the road sometime! Remember, not all who journey are lost.