Whenever I have an attack of helplessness I feel as though my soul is being detached from my body. I feel as though my essential strength is drained out of me. It’s a kind of dying.

On the contrary whever I feel I can make a difference in a given situation or when I am aware I can influence somebody I feel an inner glow as though I am radiating light. I know I can handle anything then; I am assured of a connection to somebody greater than myself. This sounds like I am attributing personal characteristics to the Supreme Being ala Rabbi Darfour”s treatise: anthropomorphizing God.

A simple example of the above is when I get difficult answers to my crossword puzzles. Funny how I feel so empowered by crossword puzzles. Many times when I feel gitated I lose myself in a crossword puzzle. Engrossed I enter into the zone of what Martha Beck calls the Infinity Loop. My husband experiences this when he meditates while swimming. It’s true, one can do wonders when the mind relaxes.

When I face the unknown no matter in what form, mundane or lofty I experience a level of faithlessness. I worry about our daughter in London. I worry about Emil. Of course I worry about myself!

I agonize over what delivered food to order to stay healthy. I feel anxious over reminders related to our picked-up/delivered laundry. I even fret over how best to shorten the dreaded task of defrosting the fridge.

Whenever I wake upbetween 1 AM and 2:30 AM I hear the unwanted barking of dogs and strain to hear the good omens of roosters crowing in various pitches. Quaint but there are roosters in metropolitan Vito Cruz lined by rows of condominiums, punctuated by shops like Jollibee and McDonald’s. Last year I spotted a rooster on the rooftop of one of the neighboring condos.

After all in Singapore in 2007 while walking to the Catholic Church of the Sacred Heart I chanced on roosters outside an Indian temple. Urban planning?