I wonder if my long years of teaching literary appreciation is an obstacle to enlightenment. I wonder if the heavy use of associative memory in literary analysis and interpretation is anathema to a “beginner’s mind” touted in meditation.

How can I let my mind go blank. A single stimulus can trigger my senses to conjure images from my fertile store of memories: colors, textures, sounds, tastes, temperatures, nuances etc. I have a lot of preconceived ideas. I have a hoard of impressions and insights.

Many times, a single word brings to memory another word, then a phrase. Then before I know it my mind recites a whole quotation. And I love it! My spirit lifts!

Dr Mann consoles me. I just have to focus on my breath. My mind doesn’t have to go blank. He continued that without objects of concentration the mind will just wander. Consciousness wouldn’t transcend the contents of the mind.

My goal is for my consciousness to merge with the divine. It can be in the form of light, sound, energy, feeling. It can focused on a sacred figure like Jesus, a saint or the guru. Isn’t this like using the associative mind after all?

     Lately I have been inspired by what I read from Tamura: No matter how bad things get, know that God is smiling at you: I see God watching and telling me: let’s see how you are going to deal with this.

Lately, I choose not to deal with Problems the conventional way. I usually look at things from the metaphysical level. What lessons do I need to learn? What latent God-given talents am I called to manifest?

I still have those fearful thoughts about a punishing God. But when they appear in the horizon, I right away accept them and let them melt into Divinity. This takes patience and courage. Sometimes it feels as though the fears are so real and true.
Sometimes I am tempted to think of martyrdom. Sometimes I slide into conventional rationalization: what if God will test me beyond my capacity?

No more frantic endeavors to fight against those thoughts. No more fix-it escapades. It is so consoling to rest in: be still and know I am God. Conviction is a blessing.

When my mind is not on the memory mode, which is very rare, my subconscious is in a void as described in Zero Limits”. This I believe is akin to the so called “beginner’s mind” of Zen. In this mode, my mind does not have preconceived notions. No baggage. I am able to experience  the moment for what it is. I have as yet not gone to my mental files to associate what is happening with what has been stored in my memory.

If this lasts I can be inspired by God. I can deal with people and things the way God would have wanted me. I am not limited by my perceptions nor by my reactions to stimuli.

But in most cases I immediately seek for context. I compare what I experience with what I already know. If I’m listening to something or to somebody I may agree or disagree. Often I can even finish the sentences without listening to what is being said. Sometimes I tune out completely when I don’t agree with what is being said. I have yet to listen to one sermon with full attention.

In my 70 years of life on this earth I have seen how relatives and friends have given up or relaxed their rigid worldviews. To some it’s because the have mellowed. To others it’s because they are no longer at home with the structures. To some others it’s because religion has been differentiated from spirituality. some of the young have simply become cynical although many have opted to be even more idealistic. Others prefer to go by their individual paths. A great number especially among the highly educated have chosen to take the sociological attitude of observing and not making any judgment.

M Tamura wrote: No matter how good something looks or feels or how much it may work for someone else, if it’s not from within you, it’s not for you.

Carmelita Roxas Natividad wrote in the Philippine Daily Inquirer of June 20, 2013: Today, when many humans have evolved beyond the mundane and humane, there is a great need for a new kind of spirituality.

M. Beck wrote: There is no one stable path to humanity”s best future: we live in the time of infinite paths. The only thing we need to share is our commitment to traveling the wild new world through presence, compassion, imagination, and creation…If enough people accept this leadership:     if a critical mass of human beings begin to live as wayfinders, a new dominant worldview could soon arrive on our planet.

Rev. Kali Pietre M. Llamado wrote in the Philippine Daily Inquirer on June 25, 2013: What we need is to come home to the Church and to look for the true and authentic meaning of Jesus Christ’s teachings which the Church has wonderfully preserved and explained for centuries.

Rabbi Belfour Brickner wrote: Faith is not a fixed phenomenon, not a body of answers, so much as it is a process, a constant refinement, a constant incorporation of new knowledge and new wisdom from many different sources.

Spending hours with my husband, friends, and former students a la Juanita Brown Conversations can be energizing. It made the reality of letting go of our one and only daughter much easier. I like a statement made by Cynch Baga about Cardinal Ratzinger”s letter to artists. The former pope said something about beauty saving our world.

The statement was made even more meaningful in the context of a gathering of friends each on a different level of his or her spiritual journey.

That brought me back to Sardello’s Artistic Living as an antidote to terrorism; to Steiner”s education of the senses and return to Nature.

I personally can’t be inspired when my surroundings are in a mess. Ariel and Shya Kane’s second principle: no two things can occupy the same space at the same time is applicable.I can’t deal with disorder and at the same time have beautiful thoughts.

Tamura”s neutral state, Joe Vitale’s Zero Limits, Laura Bushnell’s and Loori’s inner silence all urge one to connect with the beauty of stillness in one’s self.