In Manila, after weeks of being bombarded with news about the scandalous mis-use of taxes by government officials in high places and after th massive destruction by natural disasters like earthquakes and typhoons I read this from the Philippine Star: “Atheist  mega-churches take root across US, world”.

This atheist group attended more than an hour of music, an inspirational sermon, a reading and some quiet reflection. The only thing missing was God. This was reported.

This group does not want religion. At age 70 I may find not joining religion convenient but not the above version. I would welcome not having to go to chuch, negotiating a thousand or so steps with my cane. I wouldn’t miss at all the sermon which usually scolds and castigates those who went out of their way to go to church. Music? Not in our parish. I’m sure the parents and relatives of the children who join the choir are proud of the church music but I find it a distraction to my efforts to pray, to thank and to worship.

But doing away with God is an entirely different matter for me. Who would listen to my fears and anxieties if there is no God? With whom do I bargain if there is no God? Who can grant my many petitions other than a Supreme Being? Above all, only God will bother to take care of those atheists who don’t believe in HIM.

Practically everybody has become so alienated from the natural order. In the cities, except perhaps in Singapore, where their recycled water has been certified potable, one can no longer drink straight from the tap.

I remember when I was a child, we used to drink water from a big earthen jar. The water was cool always not cold. This was city life then
When the refrigerator became a household item we drank water placed in big glass pitchers kept inside the fridge. During the years when Tupperware became a status symbol, the glass pitchers were given away. This year, a nephew posted on Facebook the hazards of drinking water stored in plastic bottles. I told my husband about this and we immediately replaced our plastic containers. We have been drinking filtered water for almost two years now.

Our unit is on the 37th floor. This felt heavenly for me until I read that our bodies are meant to stay as close to the earth as possible. We don’t use an airconditioner; there is no need for one. Instead we have a humidistat that regulates the air.

Whenever I have an attack of helplessness I feel as though my soul is being detached from my body. I feel as though my essential strength is drained out of me. It’s a kind of dying.

On the contrary whever I feel I can make a difference in a given situation or when I am aware I can influence somebody I feel an inner glow as though I am radiating light. I know I can handle anything then; I am assured of a connection to somebody greater than myself. This sounds like I am attributing personal characteristics to the Supreme Being ala Rabbi Darfour”s treatise: anthropomorphizing God.

A simple example of the above is when I get difficult answers to my crossword puzzles. Funny how I feel so empowered by crossword puzzles. Many times when I feel gitated I lose myself in a crossword puzzle. Engrossed I enter into the zone of what Martha Beck calls the Infinity Loop. My husband experiences this when he meditates while swimming. It’s true, one can do wonders when the mind relaxes.

When I face the unknown no matter in what form, mundane or lofty I experience a level of faithlessness. I worry about our daughter in London. I worry about Emil. Of course I worry about myself!

I agonize over what delivered food to order to stay healthy. I feel anxious over reminders related to our picked-up/delivered laundry. I even fret over how best to shorten the dreaded task of defrosting the fridge.

Whenever I wake upbetween 1 AM and 2:30 AM I hear the unwanted barking of dogs and strain to hear the good omens of roosters crowing in various pitches. Quaint but there are roosters in metropolitan Vito Cruz lined by rows of condominiums, punctuated by shops like Jollibee and McDonald’s. Last year I spotted a rooster on the rooftop of one of the neighboring condos.

After all in Singapore in 2007 while walking to the Catholic Church of the Sacred Heart I chanced on roosters outside an Indian temple. Urban planning?

It starts with a disturbance in my system. Several things don’t go my way: I type with effort and with a single key accidentally touched I erase paragraphs; or I misplace a book; or my husband changes his schedule for the day; or worse at wee hours of the morning I am jolted out of sleep by the noise of people on the unit above ours.

I feel pains all over my body. My thoughts are a mess. My emotional state is definitely not conducive to attracting pleasant energies. Sometimes I feed this negativity so this goes on longer than it should.

Then out of the blue, perhaps it’s true there is an angel guarding me. At certain times, I suspect I need not just an ordinary angel but one of the archangels. Gradually, ever so slowly I realize what has been happening.

For almost a year now I awaken myself through the Ho’oponopono scheme. As I repeat the litany of “I’m sorry”,
“I love you”, “I thank you”, I usually feel as though the many entanglements imprisoning me are loosening, setting me free. It feels as though in a cauldron stimuli,emotions, connections all bearing different vibrations are trying to unite into a harmonious pattern.

As soon as I consciously make a decision to snap out of the chaos I feel that something breaks out of the murky waters. Thus comes into creation a significant new idea. This is my personal creation; thus an important idea manifests.

According to Esther and Jerry Hicks, as long as you continue to beat the drum of injustice, unfairness or that which is unwanted, you will hold yourself apart from the improvement.

For months I tried to look for a solution to the traffic problem in Vito Cruz in front of Grand Towers where we live. I wrote 2 newspaper columnists to no avail. I wanted to let the vice mayor know of the problem through a colleague of my husband in a university but the meeting did not push through. I egged some administrators of our building to act on the problem. I asked some of the employees to post complaints on Facebook. Clearly my efforts were practically useless. The old FIGHT approach did not work.

I can no longer try the FLIGHT approach because relocating is not an option. At my age, moving to another home is unthinable. Besides it is not only the physical constraints we will have to deal with; it is much more the financial burden. It’s true what Martha Beck wrote about the “fight” or “flight” responses no longer being workable in the 21st century.

I decided to be positive about the problem and prayed the Ho’oponopono way. Once in a while, early in the morning traffic enforcement men would clear the area of side walk vendors and parked taxicabs. There would be raids against the countless pedicabs blocking the street.
I was no longer angry. I suppose Michael Tamura was right: Spirit as consciousness – energy transforms into the very atoms that make up the material world. Spirit changed me, not the situation I was in and still am.