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Category Archives: Family Articles
Choices Have to Be Made
For stubborn personalities like me, meaningful messages come to mind at moments I least expect them such as in the toilet or when I’m trying to sleep. I get inspiration when my mind is lulled by ritualistic processes that release certain hormones. However, I try to separate massage time from guidance time. I prefer to use massage time as peaceful and restful sleep time.
Lately the messages ask that I release objects that block my letting go of my old self. After all there is just enough space in our condo. But then I have to check that I don’t rock the boat for Emil. I’m a minimalist but Emil doesn’t enjoy sorting out things and discarding them. He thinks of the future utility of things always. Just in case!
People? It’s not that easy for an introvert like me to let go of people. Some clearly are no longer part of the lifestyle I have chosen. My Monkey Mind keeps afresh memories of those who have wronged me – the pettier the reasons the harder to let go if only to rehash the narrative with a happy ending. Those who have crossed me in the academe are far easier to forgive; the wounds are intellectualized and sanitized. It’s as though there is honor in having been wounded by the educated. Continue reading
Dysfunctional Family
I was in high school when I awakened to the fact that my family was dysfunctional. The realization would not have such an impact on me had it not been for the persistent running commentaries of my mind. I know now that I had the Monkey Mind that early. This used to be called “self-talk”.
My elementary years even when my family was starting to deteriorate into disfunctionality had the vestiges of normalcy. School was work and play. Play on weekends was whole day events in the homes of classmates or school friends. The weekends during my high school
years were escapes from home problems. Fortunately, I never seemed to run out of invitations to homes of classmates or school friends.
The running mental commentaries would persist through my college years even through my years as a teacher. Understandably as a teacher I would rehearse my script for my classes. There was plenty of rehearsing and rehashing. I engaged in lots of turning over in my mind. But my monologues would sometimes not be about my classes. They would often involve “What ifs” which most likely didn’t happen. Continue reading
A Worried Mother
In 2005, for a month I lived in Sydney in solitude. I was with our daughter who was undergoing one of the most difficult periods of her life. I was alone in her cozy flat when she would work on weekdays; weekends would send her to explorations in Sydney. It turned out to be meaningful for both of us.
I would wake up to the boisterous morning greetings of the cockatoos, really noisy even sarcastic sounding parrots. But they lifted my spirit. Often smaller birds would perch on the three tall palms in front of the balcony. They tried to keep me company.
April mornings in Sydney were crispy cold but by the end of May it was biting especially to my knees. Nevertheless the tall firs and spruces exuded a kind of warmth that made me feel a special companionship. There was a chubby tom cat from across the street who never failed to cross to my side each morning. Of course, he didn’t know I was watching him. Continue reading
Making an Adult Choice
On a rainy afternoon, from the thirty seventh floor the surface of the sea behind the Film theater on Roxas Boulevard reminds me of the designs on the froth of the coffee prepared at Prince Café. The designs on both the sea and the coffee stay firm for quite some time, not a quiver. Then as if directed by an unforeseen conductor the surface moves.
I would like to believe my mind has been like the surfaces of the sea and the coffee lately. Often especially just before I drift off to sleep at night my mind takes on a placid state like a skating rink. Continue reading