From “Infinite Possibilities”

“Our first responsibility in life is not to make the world a better place or to tend to those less fortunate but to live up to our own high standards, to act with faith that our dreams are meant to be and to maintain a tolerance and compassion for our own divine journey.”

This was not how I was taught in school. Neither did I teach this!!!!
From Gill Edwards:

“I believe that our first responsibility is to make our own lives work. By finding inner peace, for example, we are contributing towards global peace.”

My own sister, Julie Escay, and Tato Malay are living examples of the above. I have chosen to be guided by the two quotations above.

I’m 73 years old. I am happily recovering from a hip surgery. The last time I left our condo building was almost a month ago. While apparently isolated from the world, I am actually inundated with soooo many challenges/stimuli.

Pick any day. I  deal with many stimuli created by my ever-productive mind sometimes as early as 1 am. I have significantly tamed my thoughts thanks to Boorstein, Tamura, Brickner, Malay etc. But it is still a challenge not to enter into darkness like what happened in the 90s.

I am grateful my husband is stable emotionally, mentally and whatever “-ally”.

Often I get updates from our daughter now a British citizen. Thank God. For more than a month now I get only pleasant messages.

As early as 9 AM I get pesky cellphone messages about food franchise, loans, condos etc. When I go to Facebook, I have to deal with ads after every 3 or more posts from friends. To think Facebook keeps repeating they are managing my preferences! AS THOUGH THEY CARE.
Makes me feel I am dealing with the government.

Every so often I get irritating PLDT calls from promo agents. An unforgettable one was from a female agent who kept insisting on talking to my husband even after I identified myself several times as the wife. Eventually I got peeved. She thought she had better chances of convincing my husband. I threatened to report her to Mr Pangilinan. She stopped! But how could I report? I was not able to get her name. Perhaps, the trouble was she kept on using Filipino while I kept speaking English. And my English gets better when I am angry!

Dealing with delivery boys/men whether for food or laundry can sometimes be entertaining but at other times be trying to my patience.

I often speak English because my Filipino is not good enough.One particular young man is an eager learner. Once when he delivered food at 6pm he greeted me good afternoon. I pointed to our wall clock and taught him “Good evening”. Next day he delivered in the morning. He was smart enough to know how to greet me.

I have many other anecdotes but surely with the above I can claim I can isolate myself in our tower on the 37th floor but I am still vulnerable.

I would like to ed with a quote from Tamura:
“Although you may take them (crises) personally, situations in life don’t happen to you. They just happen and you get involved in them according to the way you respond to [them].”

The Buddhism of Sylvia Boorstein inspires me to trust life. She wrote:
“Terrible things do happen. I do believe that fully mindful prayer, undistracted presence establishes the capacity of the mind to see clearly, and when necessary to surrender gracefully.”

“…that it is possible for the mind to be at ease whatever the circumstance.”

“…the capacity of the mind to manage even very challenging situations gracefully.”

“…inclined the mind to the insight that everything is manageable, absolutely everything.”

Thus my prayer has been as inspired by Rabbi Balfour Brickner. I pray to access my finer self, deal with my emotions, access a deeper understanding of the situation and reach out for a solution.
M. Tamura wrote that the answers are already in me.

Michael Tamura wrote: “… when crises arise in your life, they aren’t due to something wrong with you. Although you may take them personally, situations in your life don’t happen to you. They just happen and you are involved in them according to the way you respond to them.”

Certainly I am not amused with the statements of M. Tamura. Of course I take the situations personally!!!!! Why did I fall last March 16 when just that very morning, I announced to an Ilonggo couple waiting for the door of the mall to open, that I would no longer need my cane in April.

Yes, I would not need my cane because I would need a walker to go around our condo and be wheeled outside the comforts of our unit. What wry humor life has!

“The New World of Self-Healing” seems to add insult to injury with the following: “Everyone has an inner essence, soul a spirit. It is this inner essence that attracts life situations and experiences for your highest good. We may not constantly realize that we invite the lessons needed to assist  our spiritual growth!”

Grrr! I am not pleased with the pronoun shifts! From “you” to “we”.

I agree it took me quite some time to accept that my spirit may have invited my March 16 fall for my highest good. Obviously my ego is still in control.

Our daughter reminded me that my surgery brought together a lot of our relatives and friends to pray for me. Silently, I mused: could they not have prayed for something for pleasant like finally liberating me from my cane which I have been using expertly for three years?

Well, It has made my husband even more loving and caring – my superhero, my healing presence! It has brought to the surface my my secret resistance towads yet again applying for a UK visa. It has made me admit the surgery has given me a convenient excuse not to go to Mass and agonize over the unpalatable sermons, ever scolding!!!!

But Dr Sarno does not subscribe to the theory of “secondary gains”. He believes that the secondary gains which in my case are: not applying for a visa again and not going to mass are forms of conditioning. He believes in “Treat the disorder that is the root cause of the pain.” He was referring to repressed emotions that cause oxygen depletion in the body.

Lynn Grabhorn has given me a refreshing insight towards my pains: “The need to feel the old pain is nothing but a trick  your ego is playing on you to avoid assuming the RESPONSIBILITY for and therefore the joy of life.”

Yes! I am “an unlimited being of light” I can take control. I can recognize what has happened. Yes! I won’t let my ego have its way.

On secondment in Sydney back in 2004 I had a game-changing conversation with my female manger, “Where are you going for your holiday, L?” “Canada!” “How exciting, who are you going with?” “Just me.” I must have looked shocked because she followed up with, “Don’t be afraid to travel by yourself. You’re good company.”

That six month work assignment was my first experience of living abroad, and I’d never been on holiday alone before. A few weeks later, on holiday in Cairns with friends I met in Sydney, I had a chance to do a micro-mini solo adventure when no one else was free to sail to Green Island with me. I had a lovely day out and was blown away by the possibilities.

I leveled-up a bit too quickly with a solo multi day trip to Delhi and Agra months later, post a work trip to Mumbai. I loved the Taj Mahal and the exotic food (no Delhi belly, iron tummy from growing up in Manila maybe?) and my confidence grew, despite a scary taxi ride one evening (driver picks up another man en route to my hotel, then drives past it, letting me out eventually when I start yelling to pedestrians at a red light).

A decade later my favorite solo adventures include Moscow, New York, Amsterdam, Rome, Florence, Venice, Prague, Paris (yes, even in the world’s most romantic cities you can be alone but not lonely). Some of the things I’ve learnt along the way are applicable not just to travel but life in general.

1. Pattern recognition – In Moscow I was determined to use the subway to see as much of the gorgeous art and architecture in that subterranean wonderland as I could. But I don’t know how to read Cyrillic, and there were no English signs (maybe there are now, this was years ago). I memorized how written station names looked, seeing letters as shapes and patterns, I also counted out X number of stops. At crossroads in my life I’ve done the same, looking back on the past and reflecting on patterns of behavior to decode a repeatable model for success and to break unhealthy cycles, to move from unconscious to conscious incompetence.

2. We can.. if… – In my company we talk about courageous creativity and one of my favorite principles is this. Thinking laterally about what would make the impossible possible made some of my early trips financially viable. The first time I went to NYC I couldn’t afford to stay in Manhattan or even Brooklyn, so I stayed in Queens and took the train in and out daily for adventures. The hotel was clean and safe though not Instagram-worthy, I spent what I saved on the experiences I really wanted to have.

3. Say yes, have a go – This catchphrase is from my current manager, and it led me to go camping at festivals in the UK for the first time last summer, after living in the UK for 6 years. The crazy locals who hijacked my holiday in Rome and Cince Terre taught me about enjoying not just hidden wine bars and osterias, but also life. I keep safe (including buying my own drinks and not accepting offers to be walked home at night by too-friendly men) but within reason try out new things, even if unplanned (hello, last minute day trip to the Danube from Vienna).

4. Alone but not lonely – Venice is gorgeous in the shimmering sunshine and also on a still, moon-lit night. It was probably the worst place to go by myself with a bruised heart, but focusing on art, photography and food absolutely lifted my spirits. I remember walking to the residential area beyond crowded Piazza San Marco, sitting on a bench by an empty local park and feeling peace. When the chips are down, amplifying things that bring me joy gets me through. Mom says, “An empty mind is the devil’s workshop.” Other friends have gotten into running, cooking, kitesurfing, tennis during tough periods in their lives.

I have amazing memories of adventures shared with friends and family, but going solo is a fantastic way to build life skills. I hope to see you out there on the road sometime! Remember, not all who journey are lost.

How else can one learn compassion but by paying attention to ones needs? How else can one understand the needs of others than by trying to be in their shoes?

I recall vividly that Jean Netario Cruz told me that until the medical doctors are in pain themselves they wont bother with her magnesium.

But I can’t believe my doctor friends have not been in pain. I would rather believe they have been using pharmaceuticals all these years which have worked for them so why bother to try something different.

An old doctor, a friend, told me he would not prescribe anything not tested by Harvard researchers!!!

I was given a chance to understand the pharmaceutically-driven doctors last Nov 29. I twisted my left foot while attending to my plants before going to mass. I sprayed magnesium on my foot right away. I could not apply magnesium again during the 3 hrs or more I was in the mall. When I finally stood up to walk to the car, the pain was almost unbearable.

I cried a bit before I drank medicine to make the pain bearable. It took 6 tablets over 2 days to restore my left foot to normalcy. I felt I had violated my own program to stay away from mainstream tablets. If only I had been prudent enough to bring magnesium with me to the mall.