Dr. Emiliano T. Hudtohan, AB, BSE, MA, EdD

Pearl’s hip surgery on March 22 put her on forced vacation from her website postings at readerscenter.com.  And she very much obliged me to blog, just like Julie whom she requested  earlier.  Mind you, she also assigned me a topic: caregiver as healer. I was her caregiver on three crucial life-threatening events.

Mind-Emotion Turbulence
The first was when she partially lost her voice and was given leave of absence from Assumption College for severe mental and emotional fatigue. I used to bring her out of town, regular trips to Our Lady of Mount Carmel, Lipa City, where Mother Prioress Sr. Mary Grace Rillo assured her of spiritual, psychological and financial support.  That assurance dispelled her uncountable dark fear of the future.

Sr. Grace gave Pearl a sapling from the convent vine where Our Lady appeared to Teresing Castillo in the 50s.  When the third sapling grew in our apartment garden, it signaled the healing of her mind, body and spirit fully manifested by the return of her voice.  In Bong Nadera’s Centennial winning literary piece, Mujer Indigena, Sr. Grace is one of the 12 indigenous healers cited as Madre (Sapi X, p. 45).

As caregiver, I prayed over her once and after I raised my hand over her head, she released food waste and was relieved from stomach cramp.  After that, I knelt beside her as she was lying on the sofa; I sang Yaweh I know you are near, I know you are here. Then, I noticed small electric fan resting on the floor, which was pointed towards the face of Pearl, was turning towards me.  The uneven flooring could have triggered the movement, but my senses told it announced His presence.  Being a Catholic lay minister of the Holy Eucharist at that time; for me, it was a theological event.  And my pre-Spanish ethnic research reminded me that I am an asug, a male version of a babaylan who was a female community healer.

Blood Sugar and Blood Pressure
The second caregiving incident took place some three years ago when Pearl’s blood sugar triggered a high blood pressure.  With two male Grand Tower security guards, we were able to put her on a wheelchair and brought her to San Juan de Dios Hospital.  There she was diagnosed with minor blood clot at her cerebellum.  For three days, with no reliever, I posted myself at the waiting area of the ICU.  When she was settled down, her cardiologist asked how she was; she answered she was feeling fine, not because of the    presence of the medical team of doctors but it was because I was in the room.  Here I realized that presence of a loved one creates energy and has a healing power to bring about consciousness, clarity, and normalcy.  A new understanding of presence as energy confirmed my research in the nature of quarks, the smallest particle of matter [overriding the half-century old idea of atom].  In discussing quarks I often discuss among my graduate students at De La Salle University, Manila; De La Salle Araneta, Malabon; San Beda College, Mendiola;  and De La Salle College of St. Benilde. I tell them that the husband of Belo was Atom Henares and they have a son named Quark.  This vividly demonstrates who is much smaller. As our body is reduced to organs, cells, molecules, atoms, and quarks, we appreciate the nature of quarks as light and matter.  And in Einstein’s equation: energy is simply a configuration of mass [matter] and light. Pearl’s health challenge gave me a second chance to be a caregiver. This time I explored the new science of quantum physics and the nature of quantum energy resident in every quark present in her body.

Physical Off-Balance
The third caregiving incident happened after her hip surgery.   Dr. Bernardo of San Juan de Dios Hospital briefed us, saying her fractured hip bone had to be replaced by titanium. Secretly, I wondered how the procedure would be: size of bone replacement and integration of metal and cell muscles.  Dr. Trix Punzaran, Pearl’s co-faculty and surgeon of SJDD, eased my mind when he told us the new technology in surgical medical science.  Here, I regained my faith and appreciation of Rene Descartes whose scientific principles are today mastered to perfection by experienced medical doctors.  Right there, my metaphysical science pendulum reverted to physical science pole, fully convinced that medical intervention will directly addressed and responded to Pearl’s body in distress as she experienced extreme pain.  Later that week, Dr. Mendiola assured Pearl that surgical operation and medical intervention are immediate and timely, in contrast to herbal and alternative medicine that is non-intrusive.  Somehow, this loosened up Pearl’s limited belief in medical science taken from a book: What Doctors Did Not Learn in School.

Her hip operation entailed tremendous physical effort on my part to help her manage her movement: turning from side-to-side, sitting up, getting out of bed, using the walker, and sitting on the commode.  The body has mass and Pearl has massive weight.  It took three SJDD attendants to help her get inside the taxi as we left the hospital. At Grand Tower,  another four male burly guys, headed by SGuard Mark Custodio  lifted her literally and be seated on a chair [GTC wheelchair was used for another emergency that time] until she settled down in our bedroom.

Physicality is as real as spirituality.  The lesson I learned is to be virtuous; instead of taking science on one side and pitting it against metaphysical science, now recognize the oneness of the body-spirit reality.  The very nature of human existence is body-spirit.  The science that addresses the body physicality; metaphysical science focuses on the spirit and the nature of consciousness.  Metaphysics, likewise, cannot deny the physicality of human nature.  And so, Einstein’s formula of Energy equals the intricate interaction of Light [spirit; non-material entity beyond the senses but nonetheless real] and Matter [body; concrete material reality readily seen] I now fully recognize.

The caregiver to be a spiritual healer must have a balanced view on Cartesian science and the New Science of Quantum Physics to fully understand the total nature of the person being cared for.

I believe in God, however he may be called: the Creator, Source, the Higher Power etc.

I believe that all is energy.

I believe in the power of the disciplined mind (as learned from Sylvia Boorstein).

I believe that free will is a Go-given gift (as learned from Michael Tamura).

I believe that the purpose of prayer is Not to change the mind of God but to change the person praying (as learned from Rabbi Darfour).

I believe in the Law of Mentalism which tells us that we are human manifestations of the divine. (I learned this from Alan Seale).

I believe: “Yo are a spirit being having a human experience and are here to learn who you really are and what your purpose is.” (I learned this from Bente Hansen)

I believe that we can heal ourselves. (I owe this to Fr Belita, Dr Christine Page, Dr Lipton, Bente Hansen, Tato Malay, Michael Tamura etc).

In “Creating We” Judith Glaser wrote: “In your self-talk, you subconsciously interpret what is going on around you by stored BELIEFS to draw conclusions about  your life at any given moment.”

“Once we believe our story, we live it out the way we visualize it in our minds. Like it or not , we are storytellers.”

“Our main audience is us, and our life develops from the stories we create.”

“Our stories influence how we see ourselves an how we approach the life challenges that come next.”

For quite some time now I have been re-reading favorite passages from Sylvia Boorstein’s books. They seem to give me the right perspective every time I get mind tangles (which are often enough.)

Back  to Judith Glaser: “When we think of others as adversaries – as bad guys- we label them in our minds as such and act toward them accordingly. Labeling him or her as an adversary gives us the ability to go inside our mental vault, draw our experiences that we have had with other similar adversaries, and project them onto this person. Instantly, the person has a history, a legacy, and a persona – most of which we have made up.”

In “Urban Shaman” I have learned: “Analysis rather than evaluation can lead to healthful meditation. Analysis does not make one judgmental.”

This is important for me because I am an ISTJ.

“Analysis will allow me to let thoughts drift as they are observed not evaluated.”

Gill Edwards recommends to let negative thoughts be, even dismissing them y blowing them away from the palm of our hand the way we blow a feather away.”

What if Rabbi Darfour is right about our antropomorphizing god?

What if George Sison is right about: “the mother and female aspect of God is what is known in the Bible as the Virgin Mary…”  “In modern times, te female aspect of the brain…is called the subconscious mind while the male aspect is the conscious mind.”

What if the Vatican continues to make extraordinary pronouncements like:
There is no Limbo.
All religions are one.
Contraceptives can be used against the zilka  menace (The statement was retracted too soon after).

What if according to Sylvia Boorstein the Buddha taught: “… about the importance of personal, direct discovery of truth.” “He did teach that taking other people’s
word of how things are should not take the place of individual practice and personal confirmation.”

What if Aunty Mahealani’s “Aloha Spirit” is our guide. “Everything is energy.”

“It is about accepting your Spirit greatness.” “You are already blessed and in the light.”

What if Mike Dooley is right? “Our first responsibility in life is not to make the world a better place or to tend to those less fortunate but to live up to our own high standards to act with faith that our dreams are “meant to be” and to maintain a tolerance and compassion for our divine journey by being so responsible to ourselves, the world will become a better place, and those around you will richly benefit, not just from the love you’d share but from the example you become.” Note: the shift from “our” to “you” is Dooley’s not mine!

I say: What if we finally move away from the ‘appease the gods’ mentality and finally live according to our belief in a loving God!

I have been through a lot since our last visit to London last April and May. I don’t like surprises! Being an ISTJ I just  love CONTROL. But the Universe knew I needed to learn. Casual revelations from both my husband and daughter subliminally told me my old rules had to be restructured. This was Martha Beck’s The Hero’s Call to Adventure”.

Last Christmas season in Singapore, circumstances made me dismantle more pillars of my comfort zone. Young professional friends of our daughter made me realize my old world no longer existed.

My husband has been very respectful of my INTROVERSION. But our daughter in no-uncertain terms taught me how my perceptions in life and of life were not good for me. I knew mouthing formula prayers would not work. I felt a certain “knowingness”
a la Lynn Grabhorn. I prayed silently but constantly to the God within me.

Back in my comfortable tower in Vito Cruz I wasn’t spared by LIFE. One friend died unexpectedly. Another was seriously ill. Still another needed surgery. All of these were far younger than I am.

Then my treasured website was not accessible because it had exceeded the broadband limit. Eventually after weeks the site was restored minus the pictures!

Luckily, my blood  pressure remained steady all throughout except for two occasions when two Facebook friends pissed me off.

My sugar level (I pray) has not given me problems. I lost weight because  I cut down significantly on carbo. To date I have not returned to the lab for a blood test since we got inefficient service last November!

Through all these Dr Cristine Page, Martha Beck, Sylvia Boorstein, Rabbi Darfour, M. Tamura, Tato Malay, George Sison etc have kept me afloat.
Alan Seale’s “Soul Mission” encapsulates my journey:

“Self with a capital S  the fullness of who we are, is the gift of the Creator.”
“We came into this lifetime, everyone of us, with the possibility and potential to know ourselves fully. And the fullness of self includes and in fact our divinity.”

“In expanding into the whole self, we grow into our divinity and humanness.”
“To be fully human is to be divine.”