Being my best doctor is NO JOKE! Not at all. But I believe it’s the most prudent thing for me. For all he serious monitoring of my diet, my medicines (still a few), my daily activities and even my THOUGHTS I still get DRAMATIC problem.

I carefully chose a paracetamol over other pain killers weeks ago and yet I have been plagued with a skin allergy.

I had to ask a medical doctor, a friend, for help to stem the allergy. It did stop the excruciating itchiness but the marks have created havoc on my arms and thighs. How lucky I am that my face has been spared.

Now that i am less agitated, I have expanded my Internet research. To my dismay i learned that several of my favorites have HISTAMINE. Pomelos Crab sandwiches Avocado. Cider vinegar is supposed to help but it gave me more rashes. I have been using cider for many purposes for years. Eating 2 apples weeks ago worsened my allergy.

I thought for a while bananas were safe. Even mayo triggered more rashes. Many household remedies listed in the Internet just have not been working for me.

Indeed I don’t belong to categories featured in the INTERNET. Which BIG DATA can work for me?!

“Any moment of clarity undisturbed by the tensions of JUDGING, or PREFERRING or REJECTING or DESIRING is a moment of freedom” (Sylvia Boorstein)

Indeed why complicate my life with judging, preferring, rejecting, desiring. According to Neale Walsch: “The point of life is not to get anywhere – it is to notice that you are and have always been already there. There is no such thing as an incorrect path”

My belief is that everybody has his/her own pathway to go back to Source. That being the case why should I waste my time judging, preferring, rejecting, desiring. So I can’t blame anybody for choosing his way just as I make my own choices.

“Restlessness is the mind scanning the horizon for the next impending catastrophe.” (Sylvia Boorstein)
My husband has told me countless of times that when I solve one problem I always look for another.

“My mind has the capacity and the tendency to take any essentially neutral data and spin it into worry.” That was Sylvia Boorstein but my husband can identify that as coming from me.

“I am totally convinced that suffering arises when I struggle with events in my life that I cannot change yet from time to time I persist in the struggle.” (Sylvia Boorstein)

“Habits die hard”
SOLUTIONS:

“Cultivate a mind so spacious that it can be passionate and awake and responsive and involved and care about things and not struggle.”
ALSO

“We could condition the mind to such spacious clarity that our experience would come and go and the mind would remain essentially tranquil”

April 19 Thursday. I had a very hard day, so bad I ended having a big headace in the evening. In our six years of happy living in our condo, this was the first time i encountered an incredible disaster with one of the maintenance staff.

My goodness! Now I sadly realize the interpretation of a janitor’s job is to simply throw trash. For hours I waited for a janitress we had known for years. Eventually I got tired of waiting and called the lobby to send a substitute.

Luckily, even in my handicapped state i was able to take inside our unit some of the things brought out for cleaning. I was able to bring inside several carpets of different sizes. Naturally I got very tired.I rested for a while. By the time i opened our door again I was shocked. Everything had disappeared.

I had to awaken my husband who needed badly his siesta. He was able to salvage from the trash room, including my respectable mattress mind you not the kapok style!

Just minutes ago, I received from Admin an explanatory letter written by the janitor. He must have been so scared during the investigation.
But I can’t believe he was not trained to knock at the door before disposing of things. Now I know I think differently.

In London in 2014 a friend of our daughter told me I am not the target market USUALLY. Now I feel I am not even included in the big data )Common culture) as mentioned in “Homo Deus” by Yuval Hoah Harari.

So I seek solace from Sylvia Boorstein. I share her view of “God, one philosophical than mystical more emphasizing faith in the perfectability of people than the perfection of a separate god.” (actually this is the view of some modern Jews as found in one of Sylvia’s books).

Also: “Buddhist view of the radical, compassionate essence of the natural mind.”

Plus: “I don’t give up Buddhism because it’s the way in which I understand my life.’
“I know the tendency of struggle in the mind comes from taking one’s own story personally rather than seeing it as part of the great unfolding of cosmic drama.”

I just keep on forgetting what I have learned from SYLVIA BOORSTEIN.

From Easter Sunday to around April 7 or 8 I had an outpouring of blessings. This made me believe in Urban Shamanism. Then I had a serious attack of ocular migraine plus challenges from my cellphone and Mozilla Firefox. By now I think I am better off with Sylvia Boorstein as my guide.

7th Principle
Effectiveness is the measure of truth. There is always another way of doing anything.

“I am totally convinced that suffering arises when i struggle with events in my life that i cannot change. Yet from time to time i persist in the struggle. Habits die hard.”

I struggle with events that i cannot change because of an erroneous interpretation of Hicks’ Law of Attraction and Martha Beck’s manifestation teachings. I feel a failure when I can’t create the reality i want!

Come to think of it even Urban Shamanism has led me to think I can and must have the reality I want.

“If my mind didn’t cling i would be totally fearless” Sylvia Boorstein makes my life so simple.

“But my mind still does cling, so I am frightened that i won’t have what i think I want.”

“It’s not such a big problem anymore because fear doesn’t frighten me as much as it used to.”

“I know it’s from clinging and i know it will pass. I can tell myself ‘I am frightened now because even though i know whay’s true i have forgotten it right now.’

How truly consoling. How very good Sylvia is for me.
“That possibility that conviction gives me a lot of hope in the middle of the biggest fright.”
If only I can remember this each time I am frightened!

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.

After dayS of outpouring of blessings, ironically I had a bad case of ocular migraine mid morning. I was not ready for this attack. I frantically used the bizarre pencil biting cure I got from YouTube. But relief did not come fast enough. i used a lot of magnesium spray. I even took cider vinegar with honey.

As though this wasn’t enough. It recurred when I woke up after a massage! I had to process things. I realized how much I need Faith. Not the dogmatic type hinged on redemption . Not the valley of tears paradigm. Not the propensity to seek redress via penalty/punishment.

I need Faith that liberates me from fretting/worrying about my significant others. To me Faith means believing that each one has his/her own specific pathway back to Source. That he/she has been given everything needed to return to Source. So no need for me to micro manage!

Faith also means that pain can be transmuted into energy that can bring miracles to the lives of my significant others.

Pain is physical but the cure may have to go beyond the physical. This is my belief. Medicines,even massage my not be as effective as the subliminal tapes on YouTube and the acupressure targeting specific emotions such as resentment, grief etc.

I believe there is no need to instill guilt and to demand redress. I believe in consequences embedded in thoughts dwelt in – passing thoughts though they pester one. Harmful acts of course have embedded consequences. The average man may want instant redress.

I believe that one creates one’s HELL! Sylvia Boorstein has taught me the importance of a clear MIND and an open Heart.