I composed this essay before March 21 when my husband had a scary wake-up call healthwise.

After I decided to truly allow my husband to follow his own pathway with a “clear mind and an open heart” (Sylvia Boorstein) I realized his hectic schedules no longer upset me enough to engulf me in fears.

I believe the example of our son-in-law who was a shining example of Faith, cultural intelligence etc during our March 5 to 9 reunion in Singapore, also the lifestyles of my nephew and niece from Iloilo have given me a new worldview.

Also I realized i have my “suki” who cooks my meals according to specs and even delivers the meals personally because I complained about the behavior of his transient helpers.

Then all of a sudden a research assistant provides a solution to my husband’s transport issues.

Many Facebook friends help me deal with my many issues. YouTube has an ample supply of videos for health and for housekeeping.

YouTube has expanded my range of music favorites although I still stick within the piano repertoire.

Of course our only daughter is a major reason for living. She has always been generous to us, to me especially. We don’t want to abuse her generosity and live within our means. She meets up with us once a year in Singapore because I can no longer handle the long flight to and from London. She would like to meet up again this september but I pry she will be able to wait till 2019.

I m Living in an “era of disruptions and uncertainty”. (Peter Bodin Global CEO of Grant Thornton Int’l)

DISRUPTION AND UNCERTAINTY, two of my dreaded realities. I could have had another depression like in the 90s were it not for the lessons from Facebook posts especially of Dr Lipton, Mike Dooley, Gary Zukov, and life examples from friends like Tato Malay , of my nephew Andre and my niece Bingbing, associates of my husband like Munir and Dr Edralin.

“Insisting on details always limits you”. (Mike Dooley I get so upset when my plans for the day don’t materialize. I have specs even for my meals. I don’t care to relate with people who don’t let me be.

I congratulate myself for growing out of religious rituals. I almost can’t believe I did not relate March 19 to St Joseph.

“The messenger can only deliver the message those who are in a vibrational match to the message. So don’t stress yourself out saying things to people who can’t hear you.”( Dr Lipton)

Vibrational Match! I have realized my vibrations are far too unique. It is frustrating not to be heard.

I thank God my husband is patient. Often I know I appear to be sending conflicting messages. But I think I am consistent all the time. It’s just that I live according to the 7 principles of urban shamanism which is understood only by a few. I ive in a customized/sanitized world of my own.

I have no reason to complain; I have all that I need. The sources of my chllenges are related to the following:
!. “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”
2. “Never trust your fears they don’t know your strength.”
3. “Being challenged is inevitable in life; being defeated is optional.”
I can almost hear Sylvia Boorstein telling me to work for a CLEAR MIND and an OPEN HEART.

“To love is to be happy with” This is the 5th principle of Urban Shamanism. Days ago riding a cab home, I hear a layman counseling a couple. This was a radio program being listened to by the cab driver.

No romantic script. No dogmatic sermon either. I was amazed at how the layman personalized/customized things for a very angry wife and the husband who kept interrupting.

The 5th principle has corollaries: “Love increases as judgment decreases” and “Everything is alive, aware and responsive.”

the hectic schedules of Emil, which i thought I had fully accepted during our March 5 to 9 vacation in Singapore caused havoc early this Sunday morning.

I was caught by surprise and how I just hate surprises! I was not expecting that he would be fetched as early as 6:45 in the morning. This upset the entire household routine and on a Sunday. Worse, he was still looking for things when the security called that the car was already waiting for him.

I could have been warned the night before. He usually does. I could have helped him get ready. I am still committed to letting him follow his own spiritual pathway but not at the expense of my health protocols which have not been working since we returned from Singapore.

Ironically I was still awake after 8:30 last night. When I woke up at around 11:30 P.M. I saw gifts from his students neatly stacked on the dining table for me. By then Emil was asleep; sad over the loss of GINEBRA. Was he disoriented?

Well, according to my spiritual pathway, blaming is not a solution. I remain commited to my decision to allow Emil to follow his own chosen pathway which is to be a human developer.

My lower self has a question: “Am I not included among the humans to be developed?
I am as yet not at peace but I believe the 7th Principle is the solution.

The 6th principle of Urban Shamanism states: All power comes from within.

Except for several pictures posted on Facebook by our daughter and things bought from The Guardian and 7 Eleven, I don’t have much to show for our March 5 -9 vacation in Singapore.

But in terms of SELF_KNOWLEDGE, I certainly have much to be grateful for. Now that I am back with my personal laptop, I have a lot of affirmation/confirmation from Dr Lipton, Mike Dooley, Neale Walsch etc.

Messages from Facebook friends also confirm I have gone a long way in my spiritual pathway.

I learned a lot from our son-in-law Tony and our daughter. I even learned street lingo from my husband and daughter. Of course I learned a lot of British expressions from Tony!
(complete with facial expressions). I realized how sanitized my environment in Grand Towers in Manila has become. (Tower living like Rapunzel???)

What started in our hotel in Singapore was enhanced by the visit of a nephew and a niece from Iloilo City. They made me realize how badly I need to expand my world, to include those with different mind sets. I hardly have tolerance for unpredictability. I can’t allow myself to be victimized by “micro aggression” to borrow a term of Emil’s doctoral student.

I simply have to tolerate (at the very least) ambiguity and gray areas in my life. I can no longer expect instant answers to all my questions much less to expect answers that fit my world view!

The paradigm of our daughter about unconscious incompetence etc made me understand that people and things in life are only triggers. I do have a choice to response rather than react and thereby heal my many fears. Thanks to Joe Vitale’s “No Limits”
I have gone beyond the blaming game.

“Culture Is a Business Strategy” in the Philippine Inquirer by Peter Bodin, Global CEO of Grant Thornton Int’l last March 12 also added to my self-knowledge. “In an era of disruption and uncertainty, corporate culture and not new technology will make or break companies and organizations.”

This is another wake-up call for me to move out of my sanitized/insular mind set. “Diverse and gender-balanced businesses deliver better results, are better able to handle disruption hat goes in every sector nd are resilient.”
RESILIENCY. For me this means learning what is common practice in the new technology. I should be able to do at the very least what grade school pupils easily do with their gadgets!

This also means I should have tolerance for ambiguity and unpredictability.