Author Archives: admin

Choices Have to Be Made

For stubborn personalities like me, meaningful messages come to mind at moments I least expect them such as in the toilet or when I’m trying to sleep. I get inspiration when my mind is lulled by ritualistic processes that release certain hormones. However, I try to separate massage time from guidance time. I prefer to use massage time as peaceful and restful sleep time.

Lately the messages ask that I release objects that block my letting go of my old self. After all there is just enough space in our condo. But then I have to check that I don’t rock the boat for Emil. I’m a minimalist but Emil doesn’t enjoy sorting out things and discarding them. He thinks of the future utility of things always. Just in case!

People? It’s not that easy for an introvert like me to let go of people. Some clearly are no longer part of the lifestyle I have chosen. My Monkey Mind keeps afresh memories of those who have wronged me – the pettier the reasons the harder to let go if only to rehash the narrative with a happy ending. Those who have crossed me in the academe are far easier to forgive; the wounds are intellectualized and sanitized. It’s as though there is honor in having been wounded by the educated. Continue reading

Dysfunctional Family

   I was in high school when I awakened to the fact that my family was dysfunctional. The realization would not have such an impact on me had it not been for the persistent running commentaries of my mind. I know now that I had the Monkey Mind that early. This used to be called “self-talk”.

My elementary years even when my family was starting to deteriorate into disfunctionality had the vestiges of normalcy. School was work and play. Play on weekends was whole day events in the homes of classmates or school friends. The weekends during my high school

years were escapes from home problems. Fortunately, I never seemed to run out of invitations to homes of classmates or school friends.

The running mental commentaries would persist through my college years even through my years as a teacher. Understandably as a teacher I would rehearse my script for my classes. There was plenty of rehearsing and rehashing. I engaged in lots of turning over in my mind. But my monologues would sometimes not be about my classes. They would often involve “What ifs” which most likely didn’t happen.  Continue reading