According to Alan Seale: “It takes time, energy, focused concentration, commitment and patience to master a new way of living, even if it is the path of your soul. We are creatures of habit and any habit takes time to change.”

“Why We Make Mistakes” wrote: “Habit is a great friend to us all, saving us time an much mental  effort. But  it can kill our ability to perceive novel situations. After a while we see only what we expect to see. We skim over things and see not details but  patterns.”

Sylvia Boorstein wrote: “…the mind acquired for this lifetime is equipped with its own particular idiosyncratic filters through which it processes experience.”

This may  explain why any program prepared by somebody else will sooner or later cause followers to be disappointed. Religious programs urging reliance on a higher power may  not work for everybody. “A Middle Way” by Mark Hay explains why.

Alan Seale continued: “Choice is something we must do for ourselves. No one else can choose it for someone else.”

Bente Hansen agreed “No one else knows exactly what is most  appropriate for
you.”

But  back in the 90s when I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression I could not understand why my many doctors what I wanted. Back  then  I naively believed the doctors had all the answers!!!! Even the top admin of my college asked what I wanted. They even offered to create a new position for me.

I could not understand Alan Seale’s: “We must learn to listen to the wisdom of or souls an trust its guidance.”

I now know my mind was just too tired to even think much less to make choices.
Fewer people then knew how to deal with depression.

What would have made sense then was  Alan Seale’s : “the ego longs for structure that sets boundaries and makes the rules for us.”

“We can with practice (Training) begin to decondition the mind from its unconscious reactivity. Even without changing the habitual tendencies, we can be alert to them and work around them.” (Sylvia Boorstein)

I can’t remind myself enough. I easily startle with unwanted thoughts; many turn out to be foolish fears.

“This is a result of my early conditioning. Telling myself  that keeps me from taking inappropriate or unnecessary action.” (Sylvia Boorstein)

“Fearfulness doesn’t have to be a big problem if we recognize that our fears are a result of the way we are wired, most immediately from this life and who knows from what other lives.” (Sylvia Boorstein)

“If the mind is clear and steady, we can recognize  filters (Conditioning) as being just filters and choose the most wholesome response.” (Sylvia Boorstein)

Obviously, I need to listen to Sylvia Boorstein every so often. Several times a day, actually. I read an explanation from Alan Seale why I need these constant reminders but I can’t locate the text at the moment.

Some consoling quotes are: “Mind tangles an suffering are universal, and the desire for happiness and the end of suffering is also universal.”

“I’m experiencing myself and my mind in a new way so I’m frightened.”
“Managing gracefully is not second-rate. I’m pleased to think of myself as managing gracefully”
“When I am mindful, things just  are. The sense of an observer and experiencing being  observed changes to a sense of just  experience happening.”

For all my worries, my anxieties etc Sylvia Boorstein teaches: THERE IS ANOTHER WAY TO DO LIFE.”

I am an advocate of a non-combative way of life. This must have been influenced by my Buddhist readings about pain and suffering. According to Sylvia Boorstein : “A non-combative response, the Buddha taught, assures that pain does not cause suffering. And unclouded by the tension of struggle, the mind is able to assess clearly and respond wisely.”

But my experiences in life have taught me that indeed my journey in life entails struggles and hurdles but I do have choices. For example, I do have a choice about training my mind according to the teachings of Buddha.

I recall how one cousin went out of her way to offer me a teaching job in a prestigious college somewhere near Pearl Drive. This was shortly after I recovered from a severe clinical depression in the 90s.

I am glad I chose to teach at a nearby college years after I retired from a college in Makati. In a nearby college, I chose this time not to conform blindly. After all I was a senior citizen! Supposedly aged in wisdom!

I felt I was being “Who-I-Really-Am” according to Neale Walsch etc. Being a part-timer with no admin duties was very liberating The paper work was significantly much more than in my previous college. Some routine tasks outside the classroom were tedious but I was not devastated I CHOSE to do the tasks. I was not into Sylvia Boorstein yet but: “…unclouded by the tension of struggle, the mind is able to assess clearly and respond wisely.”

I was teaching because I liked it . It was a bonus that I experienced the energizing energy of a coed classroom.
What also helped was the fact that I was traveling more at around this time.
My worldview changed. I was transformed

Needless to say I felt better because our daughter lived in Singapore, then Australia and back to Singapore. Now I feel grand because our daughter lives in London; she is now a British citizen. I have felt and still feel she is far better off away from Manila.