For stubborn personalities like me, meaningful messages come to mind at moments I least expect them such as in the toilet or when I’m trying to sleep. I get inspiration when my mind is lulled by ritualistic processes that release certain hormones. However, I try to separate massage time from guidance time. I prefer to use massage time as peaceful and restful sleep time.
Lately the messages ask that I release objects that block my letting go of my old self. After all there is just enough space in our condo. But then I have to check that I don’t rock the boat for Emil. I’m a minimalist but Emil doesn’t enjoy sorting out things and discarding them. He thinks of the future utility of things always. Just in case!
People? It’s not that easy for an introvert like me to let go of people. Some clearly are no longer part of the lifestyle I have chosen. My Monkey Mind keeps afresh memories of those who have wronged me – the pettier the reasons the harder to let go if only to rehash the narrative with a happy ending. Those who have crossed me in the academe are far easier to forgive; the wounds are intellectualized and sanitized. It’s as though there is honor in having been wounded by the educated.Needless to say, the body keeps a record of all these issues. Sooner or later the body complains of discomforts to say the least. The seriousness of the hurts determine the intensity of the aches and pains. Many times the effects could be systemic inasmuch as emotions triggered are not in isolation but usually in clusters.
Everybody needs to experience external valuations. In many cultures, this is formalized by the common salutation, “How are you?” even if often it’s just rhetorical.
A “redeemed” introvert and a “mindful” perfectionist like me relishes sincere attention from others. More often than not I have reinforced my self-worth by deepening my inner life. I feel reassured that no matter what life metes out I can handle it.
Fortunately the Law of Attraction has been pulling into my life, things and people that satisfy my real needs. I refer to the Law of Attraction that is built on a firm foundation connecting one to the Supreme Power. Sadly my history has not made a habit of acknowledging happy issues. I have had many blessings but after the initial prayer of gratitude, I go through life waiting for the next big event.
Even with a reinforced self-worth, I still fall into the traps engineered by my Monkey Mind. When it does I subconsciously revert to eating and drinking comfort calories. There was a time when sugar was the widely used palliative. Rice and soft drinks were convenient fillers too. Nowadays I eat more quiche and fried dory than I should. There is great comfort in resorting to what the herd consumes.
At about the same season as my comfort calories weeks, the perfectionist in me releases anxiety producing chemicals that make me antsy and impatient. I shun long lines, clerks and salespeople, new service people who have to be broken in, unexpected changes in routines etc. Even the regular broadsheets appear trashy to me. I prefer to bury myself in crosswords that I can easily leave for another time once they prove to be too stimulating for my mood.
Dr. Page recommends keeping the hands busy to prevent eating and drinking. I went into gardening but now that we reside in a condo my gardening is limited to tending to three potted plants – daily, religiously moving the table with my plants towards the sunlight. Watering every other day is a ritual. It is a loving act of meditation. Keeping the hands busy can be in the form of journaling. It can take on the sketching or drawing avenues. Journaling, drawing and sketching can be life-giving only if it surfaces what is deep in the heart and accepted with compassion for the self.
It’s true doing things with the hands can absorb and dissolve ill feelings that could eventually lead to ailments. I recently learned that bones and muscles are the reliquaries of experiences both good and bad. The spine is also a storage of the stories of our lives. Ancient cultures believe our hair stores the stories of our lives. Could this information be used eventually to help depressive persons?
The best remedy for me is to go into myself and “be still. Know that I am God”. I will be silent as I look closely at the truth of my own experience. I’ve seen how this has worked in the life of a dear friend when I was teaching in a college of nursing. Edified I have taken the passage as a motto.
I know this will work because I have accepted and agreed to resonate with the example of a friend. She has pointed out the wisdom which was already within me. We receive hints from others but ultimately we have to choose. In a way we are given everything that we need to pursue our journey.